Monday, March 20, 2006

Fear of Weakness

Last night when I was hanging out with friends, someone suggested we each share one of our fears. When it came around to me, I couldn't think of anything I was willing to share. The second question was, If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? (In other words, What is one of your weaknesses?) Again, my answer was pathetic.

I look back now and realize that my "unresponses" answered both questions perfectly. That is, one of my weaknesses is to fear how people will respond if I make myself vulnerable.

When I consider James 5:16 ("confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed"), it's a shame that I passed up such a good opportunity. Indeed, the Holy Spirit has been working overtime recently to show me how wracked with weaknesses I really am. Arrogance and everything surrounding that. Seeking great things for myself. A too-frequent lack of wisdom and restraint. A severe shortage of grace for others. Oversensitivity to others' criticism (which is often close to the truth, if not right on). The list goes on.

But as if my weaknesses (i.e., sin, shortcomings, etc) aren't enough, as I think about it, I am overwhelmed even with my weakness as a confessor. That is:
-I like to compare myself to others and think and hope I'm not that bad (or when I'm extra-arrogant, still better)
-I'm willing to confess if I can "balance" it with a strength (e.g., I have trouble getting up early, but I have a lot of self-discipline after that)
-I am quicker to confess sins that I [think I] have improved on because "I'm better now"
-Sometimes I want to confess primarily because it'll make me feel better (not because I offended God or another person)
-I prefer to confess when the other person will confess back
-I like to confess if it will make me look humble

Ouch. Talk about hypocrisy.

Lord, thank you for your mercy. And help me to realize more and more that the fact you call me a saint (!) is thanks to nothing but your grace.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness
- Psalm 103:8
Additional to the below, click the following link for *non-Blogger* Comments:

Plus, 0 *Blogger* Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home

ar TORONTO, CANADA | 2018+

JULY


AUGUST

14-15 Tue-Wed l'ship retreat (+ below)
14 Tue (7:15pm patch prayer mtg)
15 Wed 6pm dinner w/ Peter T & HE + poss. stayover
16 Thu SL
17-19 Fri-Sun church-plant camping trip - Killbear
19 Sun 5pm fun dinner w/ VT - Burlington
20 Mon 8pm Malkutha oversight mtg (VS)
21 Tue 9:30pm time w/ JVDB (+ patch prayer mtg)
23 Thu poss. time w/ DonM/S
24-25 Fri-Sat writing training wknd - Hamilton
28 Tue 10am CCWM board mtg
31 Fri eve time w/ J/BA+

SEPTEMBER
2-3 Sun-Mon new-staff retreat - Faith Mission
3-7 Tue-Fri VT retreat - Faith Mission
21 Fri MI in-person board mtg
22-23 Sat-Sun poss. visiting AR/UJ+
27 to Oct 3 Thu-Wed Dollar-a-Day

OCTOBER
... Oct 3 (see above) Thu-Wed Dollar-a-Day
5-8 Fri-Mon Thanksgiving long weekend (Mon stat. hol.)
15 to Nov 15 Mon-Thu poss. Europe + India

NOVEMBER
(speaking at Pastor Y's church)
... Nov 15 (see above) Mon-Thu poss. Europe + India
17 Khev's conf
23 Fri MI online board mtg
29 ~J's dad's b'day (poss. party on 30th)

DECEMBER
29: KH/S wedding

2019 on
Feb 15-18: MIer conference
Feb 16: Sat - 10-yr anniv
Feb 18-22: VT retreat
Feb 22-30: time off (poss. Southern Africa)
Apr 1-3: poss. First Chair retreat
May 10, 10am: CCWM board mtg
Jun 15: poss. Prayer Journey (poss. Australia); poss. visit supporters
Jun 25-29: poss. marketplace conf. - Manila
Dec: likely Indonesia